Revalation

Hello world,

If you’re reading this today – being Wednesday May 18th of 2011 – you may be wondering what I made this blog for as the only things on the page are this post and the one below it; admittedly, the one below this sounds emo and depressing. That might have consumed this blog, except for something wondrous that happened yesterday: I finally found my epiphany.

I’ve suffered from low self esteem for a long time. It’s led me to bouts of depression and a general constant “I hate myself” feeling. I’ve always had theories as to how I ended up like this, people to blame, etc. but that’s another post all together, one that may never see the light of the internet.

Why?

When it all boils down to it, self-esteem doesn’t completely rely on the opinions others have of you or the way you’re treated. Those are huge contributing factors, yes, but that isn’t all; self-esteem about what you think of yourself. And that’s what hit me.

Somewhere after watching the full anime series Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and the Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children movie and thinking through all sorts of stuff while driving to class, it just struck me. I had seen the personal struggles and heard the famous line “believe in the you who believes in himself” a lot, but that was just some anime line. It finally pierced my thick-headed self, like a drill. I can’t count on others to believe in me for me, I have to believe in myself!

Its odd really, I always thought that there was something simple I was missing, a line to wrap my mind around that wasn’t far off. Now I’ve found it, and admittedly, I feel kinda foolish. I’m ok with that though. I have found the solution I’ve been missing for so long. This is the axis, the turning point I needed to get back on track. Time to figure out what’s next!

PS: The next time I post, I’ll actually give flesh to this blog, promise. I was just too excited to let this thought pass, I need it recorded somewhere!

the end

I’ll be frank, I despise my past and the present is shifty. The future is my only option.